How to Help A Friend with Depression: What To Say, What Not to Say, & How to Show Up
Learn how to offer presence—not pressure—and become someone they can lean on.
A Note from Me
This article was inspired by my best friends and people close to me who are in deep depressions right now.
I’ve felt helpless watching them go quiet, pull away, and carry more than they should have to.
I wrote this because I needed a simple way to help—and I figured others might need that too.
Whether it’s for someone you love or someone you barely know, I hope this gives you something steady to hold onto when you don’t know what to say.
You know something’s off.
They’ve gone quiet. Canceled plans again.
You want to help, but you’re afraid to say the wrong thing.
So you wait.
Or you say something that feels safe—but doesn’t land.
Or you do nothing at all and feel guilty.
This guide is for that moment.
Let’s Start With What Depression Actually Is
Not the sad day. Not the bad mood.
Not the breakup blues or the rough week.
Clinical depression (a.k.a. major depressive disorder) is a diagnosable condition that changes how a person thinks, feels, and functions.
It sticks around. It gets heavy.
And no, people can’t “snap out of it.”
Here’s what the DSM-5 (the clinical manual) says:
A person must experience at least five of the following symptoms nearly every day for two weeks or more, and at least one must be low mood or loss of interest:
Persistent sadness, emptiness, or tearfulness.
Loss of interest or pleasure in most activities.
Fatigue or lack of energy.
Feelings of worthlessness or guilt.
Difficulty concentrating.
Changes in appetite or weight.
Changes in sleep—too much or not enough.
Thoughts of death, dying, or suicide.
But honestly? People don’t walk around listing symptoms.
They just stop texting.
They say they’re “tired.”
They cancel dinner.
They pull away.
Sometimes it looks like nothing from the outside.
What Depression Might Look Like in Real Life
Your friend might still show up to work.
They might still post on Instagram.
They might say “I’m fine” when they’re anything but.
Here are real things people with depression have said:
“I feel nothing. I’m numb.”
“I’m tired, but I can’t sleep.”
“I’m here, but I don’t feel like I exist.”
“I don’t want to die, but I don’t want to be awake either.”
“I feel like there’s a huge weight on me.”
You don’t have to diagnose anyone.
You just need to notice.
What To Say (And What Not To Say)
You don’t need to fix them.
You don’t need to have answers.
You just need to show up—without pressure.
Try saying:
“I’m here.”
“You don’t have to explain.”
“You matter to me.”
“I don’t know what to say, but I care about you.”
“Can I sit with you for a bit?”
Be gentle. Be real. Be consistent.
Please don’t say:
“Just think positive.”
“Everyone feels like this sometimes.”
“You should try yoga/sunshine/gratitude.”
“It could be worse.”
“You have so much to be happy about.”
Even if you mean well, those things minimize what they’re feeling.
They sound like you’re trying to move them out of it.
What they need is for you to stay with them in it.
How to Actually Help
Check in. Even if they don’t respond. Say “no pressure to reply.” Say “thinking of you.”
Invite without expectation. Offer a short walk, a calm space, a low-key hangout.
Drop off food. Send a voice note. Don’t ask what they need—most people can’t answer that when they’re depressed.
Keep it simple. No big plans. No deep talks unless they want to go there. Just be a steady presence.
You don’t have to do something big. Just don’t disappear.
When to Encourage Help
If they say they’re stuck, hopeless, or not sure they want to be here anymore—that’s a red flag.
Say:
“Would you consider talking to someone about this?”
“I care about you. You don’t have to do this alone.”
“I can help you look for someone to talk to. No pressure, but I’ll walk with you if you want.”
You aren’t their therapist, but you can be the bridge and some light in their life.
Final Thoughts
If you’re reading this, it’s because you care and that already matters more than you think.
People with depression don’t need perfect friends. They need real ones.
Not to fix them. Not to analyze them. Just to stay close enough so they don’t feel so alone in it.
Be that person. Check in. Show up. Say “I’m still here.”
That’s what people remember.
Thank you for reading this article.
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MEDICAL DISCLAIMER
This content is for informational and educational purposes only. It is not intended to provide medical advice or to take the place of such advice or treatment from a personal physician. All readers/viewers of this content are advised to consult their doctors or qualified health professionals regarding specific health questions. All viewers of this content, especially those taking prescription or over-the-counter medications, should consult their physicians before beginning any nutrition, supplement or lifestyle program.
What a great article and great advice!
That's amazing, thank you for sharing this as this is so important. The "Send a voice note" is the most important things. I struggled with depression and didn't know that it was depression, I reached out to my best friend but didn't get a response and it was painful, after that period of my life I decided to always pay close attention to people around me and make sure I ask how they are and I'm truly present with them.